Terrible AirTran Transit Ad

So, this ad is currently posted at the Hynes Convention Center T stop in Boston. If you just look at it, and then think about it for a second– what it is, and what it's advertising– your thoughts will probably read something like mine: "what the hell were they thinking with this ad? How did this make it past a concept sketch?"

Those questions have no clear answer. The only possible way I can see this ad working is for people who love rollercoasters so much that they would want their flight to be, in some way, like a rollercoaster.

Note: (spellcheck underlines "rollercoasters" and suggests "roller coasters..." isn't rollercoaster a word? [same problem for "spellcheck"])

But for the rest of the population, and those like me who share a healthy enjoyment of rollercoasters, and a healthy fear of flying (you're in a 50-ton metal tube five miles up) this ad is awful. As rollercoaster-liking, flight-fearing human, I hope my flight on AirTran (or any airline, for that matter) is simple, safe, comfortable, and quiet. Also non-stop, and inexpensive. I think that about covers what I look for in a flight or airline.

There's a seat waiting for me, on your hellish aerial thrill ride?

What I absolutely do not want to be during my flight is: strapped in, screaming, turning, looping, or free-falling suddenly, or ANYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENS ON A ROLLERCOASTER OR IS ROLLERCOASTER-LIKE.

You see, the very elements that make a rollercoaster thrilling and fun, when experienced on an airplane, induce horror and pants-shitting (and last-chance orgies, maybe that's what they were going for) .

To whatever ad agency has the AirTran account: Epic fail.

Very Ironic Sticker

A "Nonstick Finish" sticker is stuck to the nonstick finish it touts.

I don't even remember where I was when I saw this, I believe it was at someone's apartment around Boston, possibly at a party. It was taken from my phone, so I do know I snapped it September 2, 2006 at 1:48AM.

I know there is some disagreement as to what exactly qualifies as irony; I believe this is "situational irony:" The sticker was affixed to this pan to call attention to nonstickiness, but its own stickiness ends up exposing the pan's lack of nonstickiness.

I solemnly swear that this photo is totally original, has not been altered in any way, was not a set-up, and was first published here. It was really stuck!

The day I got hit by a train.

Here is the story as I originally posted it facebook, on Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at 5:04pm.

"I got hit by the T today"


How it happened:

I am cruising down Comm Ave, heading East. I hang a left to cross the T tracks to get to work (at CFA). WHAM. I am on the ground, the wind is knocked out of me. As I write this, I recall that the T did blow its horn. The thing is so fucking earsplittingly loud it does nothing but confuse me. I look straight ahead (towards the other side of the tracks) to try and identify the source of the sound. Wrong! The T is to my left, and strikes my bike's front tire.

I go down, hard, on my back/right side. My backpack has holes in it from dragging on the ground. My laptop was inside, and is now ruined. My bike's front tire is bent and twisted. My right elbow and knuckles are scraped. My right hip didn't hurt nearly as much as it does now, post-adrenaline.

A woman who witnessed the whole scene rushed over to me, and although I was standing, laughing, feeling alright, she made me lie down and wait for an ambulance, which was probably a good idea. She was a nurse. I had been on my way to work, so at this point I texted my boss:

"I just got hit by a train so i am gonna be late"

The police arrived first, I gave them my ID, answered a few questions. I was conscious the whole time. I didn't get hit in the head. I knew what year it was and where I was. I felt fine.

The fire department arrived, they put a neck brace on me, and put me on a back board.

The ambulance arrived, they strapped me down some more, and then TAPED me down, and then loaded me in an ambulance.

All along I am laughing:
-at myself
-wishing I could have seen my own crash
-at cheating death
-at that punk pussy T that is lucky I didn't hit it for real
-because I didn't yet know my laptop was ruined
-because Morgan was on the T that hit me and I talked to him when he got off

In the ambulance, I talked to the paramedics. They checked me over. They informed me that I didn't have to go to the hospital if I didn't want to. I didn't want to. They cut me loose, I sat up again. I am claustrophobic and hated not being able to move being strapped down. I felt fine, so I told them I would like to just go home. They took my blood pressure (140/80, a little high, but... I just got hit by a train). I thanked them.

Outside of the ambulance I could see a crowd had gathered. There were about 10 cops, a firetruck, the ambulance, and a few dozen spectators. Traffic was stopped, my bad.

As I exited the ambulance I expected cheers from my fans, I got none. They seemed not to notice me exiting the ambulance and walking away, most of them probably hadn't seen the actual crash.

Since I was fine, the cops said they were done with me and I could go home. The T driver told me to wait for his supervisor to arrive. The cops told me I didn't have to, the T driver can't detain me. "Can't nobody detain me," I didn't say.

I grabbed my twisted bike and walked home, calling friends and loved ones on the way home to tell them what had happened to me. I talked loud so the people I walked passed could hear me, and I would become famous.

I arrived home, my neighbors had heard that I was dead. Ridiculous: I have at least six lives left.

This is me with my broken laptop. I took this picture to send it to my computer science professor so he'd believe my excuse for not doing my homework tonight.