The Ambassador

My penis's name is "The Ambassador."

I've been doing this for a while, but simultaneously thinking this
idea was "too good" and I "must have read or heard that somewhere."

But I can't figure out where or when, so now I'm thinking it was my
idea after all.

Nickname for my penis: The Ambassador.

Concise or Ignored

I (sort of) invented a delightful phrase to describe how I feel about all of the things I read; especially news: Be concise or be ignored. Or, even more concise:

Concise or ignored.

Waste no words. Don't waste my time. One might argue, ultimate concision may come at the expense of beautiful description, detail, or humor.

If humor, beauty, emotion, or whatever are lost, it is not to concision. To be concise is to write economically; use the fewest and best words and analogies to express facts, settings, feelings, or jokes. You are not paid by the word.

I must shout out @dondodge who has written a very similar (longer) phrase. He's an interesting guy, I respect his vast knowledge and experience with internets.

TL;DR: I was not concise; you've ignored me.

Shocking Poll Result

What could possibly go wrong?

Peeplause (Pee Applause)

What if there was some event and instead of applause to show
appreciation, the audience all urinated a little into individual
toilets? The resulting choir of pee could be pretty impressive.

Gummi Bear Prank

If your friend takes gummi bear multivitamins, what you do is, one day when he's not around you sneak in his room and swap his gummi vitamins with regular candy gummi bears.

And then you just chuckle to yourself as his overall health slowly declines!

And then maybe if he gets pneumonia or something, that's your moment for the big reveal:

"You IDIOT! You've been eating a single chunk of empty calories every morning for months, thinking you're supplementing your diet with important nutrients!" And you laugh and laugh.

Too Soon?

Adam Scott's Oscar Snub: Should have been THE story of the Academy Awards that year, but Heath Ledger never woke up from that nap.

The word: trundle

...is way too similar to "grundle."

What's the point of stamps?

At this point, is there any need for postage stamps anymore? I think
stamps are dumb.

Trend Alert?

Pants half-consuming your high heels.

There was a girl on the bus today with pants arranged like this:

The snug, taught position indicates that she had to tug her pants to get them like this; this was no accident. There's snow everywhere; her pants are gonna get soaked. Wearing your pants like this creeps me out.